Something I Made A Long Time Ago

I Think This Band Will Be Big In 2k9

Filed under: things Jared should cover.

tight image of the day

daily LOLcat hilarity

daily LOLcat hilarity

eccentric new yorkers

I just read about the funniest humans alive. Seriously, Leslie the thong-wearing-fake-Bluetooth-talking "homeless" guy in Austin has nothing on these freaks. Blake and I took a picture with that dude above outside Hello Deli back in January. Yes, we did something way tourist-y but who gives an f! It looks tight. And here's what the article had to say about him:

Charles and Deborah Perito walk around Columbus Circle with cats on their heads. They will pose for pictures with onlookers in exchange for donations.

Some of these characters are truly hilarious. Makes me again appreciate New York and all it has to offer and also makes me increasingly nervous about riding the subway at night. If these pictures intrigue you, please check out the above link.

tight image of the day

daily LOLcat hilarity

dirty car art

Here's more proof that nutbags/ballers come out of Texas. Viva Tejas! This guy, Scott Wade, takes dry paintbrushes and creates scenes on dirty windshields. Is this tight? Why didn't I think of this? Oh, that's right, because I have no artistic abilities. Check out some of his work. It's really unbelievable. More here.

lolcommerical

This commercial was on TV in 2k5, but apparently, I missed it. This is genius level 10 in 2k12.

i want this played live

Someone needs to cover "Loose Booty." It's so, so good. I want to be in that group of horn players that is just singing along happily. Sly Stone is so tight!

tight image of the day

daily LOLcat hilarity

tightest poster ever

My brother had this poster hanging in his room when I was a kid and he was a teenager. WTF? This poster is so tight. Nothing can be as tight as this. My bro knew what was up. I can only wonder now where it ended up. It probably got tossed but I remember staring at this many times. So much has changed since these two were photographed together.

I Miss MTV :(

What ever happened to that channel anyways? Is it still on? What did it stand for? Music Television I believe. What was that stuff it used to show.......the........umm......started with a v.............. videos..... this one takes me back to the good ol' days. Hope you had seen it before.

romantic reads

In about two weeks, several members of this blog will journey to the great Gulf of Mexico for a relaxing vacay. For me, it will be a continued extension of the teacher summer. Homegirl is lucky! However, just because I'm already on vacation, doesn't mean I can't continue to live it up. So I am really looking forward to one major thing: reading trashy romance novels on the shores of Mustang Island with four of my favorite ladieeeez. I found some great titles like My Tall, Dark Greek Boss and Housekeeper to the Millionaire (my secret harlequin dream). So, in honor of that exciting time we have to look forward to, here are some of the best romance novel covers the interweb has to offer. Some sick, all satisfying.

Love in another time, another place is so ambiguous. Tell me where this g.d. novel is taking place so I might actually buy it. I guess I'm supposed to be clued in by the "Futuristic Romance" information up top. Oh, great, he's a Martian. Real original.



Either that guy is extremely out of proportion or that cat is huge. Either way, this book sucks and you know it. I would kind of like to know what that cat is up to, though. He looks sneaky and like a little bit of a baller. Let's be real.



Oh, great. Is this Duncan? Well, at least he has nice hair. I ordered those boots from Minnetonka about three years ago and they are surprisingly warm. I do have a lot of questions, though. How did Duncan get this cove? Who is painting in the background? Why does Duncan feel the need to wear suede shoes on the beach? Gawd, he must be balmy.



This has got to be a joke. At least I hope so. I mean, it's seriously hard to tell because most romance novel covers have a shirtless dude. He's a little too cocky for my taste. But also kind of a badass. I mean, buttonless AND blind. I totally just changed my opinion of him. He's a huge baller. I mean, who rides around on a horse without a care in the world and he can't even SEE!? Awesome and tight. Also, is that the Tara estate in the background?



LOLOLOLOL.
This is supposed to sell me on the book. This guy. He's wearing a Seinfeld puffy shirt and looks like he just farted. He must really be able to carry this story. Also, isn't it ballsy to assume that this guy is "perfection?" He needs some major hair changes and some way better fitting pants, in my opinion.



First of all, what the f is a viscountess? Secondly, why all the puffy shirts? Thirdly, why was this photo taken in a Fredericksburg bed and breakfast circa 1993. I see no relevance to anything in life at all.



She doesn't look that defiant to me. She's clearly going along with this bathtub scheme right about now. Also, is that Pierce Brosnan?



Did you know that NASCAR produced romance novels? I sure didn't. There is a ton of them on Amazon, I fully encourage you to check out the other titles. They are all as clever as this one. This better be about taking it slow and practicing abstinence. Either that, or this guy have a serious obsession with wax figures because that girl looks f-ed.

a great pee-wee moment

This scene makes me LOL. It's from Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and if you haven't seen that yet, well, you can't be my friend. Sike/I'm kinda serious.

tight person of the day: otis redding

Otis is simply the best. I feel like you hear every emotion in his voice. It might be that he is two inches from the microphone but I love it. Pure and beautiful. When I hear Otis sing, I want to climb on top of a skyscraper and shout "Testify!" to passersby below. But I can't do that because I will be arrested. Most likely. However, that's what I feel in my heart. Has there ever been anything more gorgeous than "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay?" I think not. Otis was definitely taken too soon and I feel like he could have done even more wonderful things for humanity with his music. I feel like pretty much anyone of any age can enjoy Otis. He's universal, which a lot of artists really can't claim. I mean, I would dance the hell out of him, and so would Pe-Paw Jones in Mississippi. Anyway, here's some Otis to add to your collection or simply to just listen to from your screen and have a happy moment. It really doesn't get any better than this.


Otis Redding - These Arms of Mine
Also the song Swayze does it with that girl to in Road House. CRAZY FOR SWAYZE!

Otis Redding - Come To Me

Otis Redding - That's How Strong My Love Is

daily LOLanimal hilarity

WUT ABOUT JERMAINE JACKSON

He's the underrated Jackson. So I think we need to get SERIOUS.



Seriously you guyz, sometimes I can't get over how good that song really is.

daily LOLcat hilarity

Total Baller On the Subway Platform

I thought I'd share a tight photo from my travels.

P.S. A lady gave birth on an F train platform this afternoon. I am serious. I think the baby is named Soleel.

daily LOLcat hilarity

n'sync: greatest artists of all time?

Tonight I went on a bad music video YouTube spree. I just felt like it. I dug up N'Sync's ultimate classic video for "I Drive Myself Crazy." This is the worst video ever made. Or the best, depending on what side you want to bat for here. The thing is, I think I have a rib injury from laughing. They are all shoved in that asylum room and have to pretend to be slowing going insane while still wearing Hugh Hefner pajamas! LOLOLOLOLOLOL. Please watch this if you are feeling down or just generally want to laugh. And don't you dare think for one second that I didn't vote for this on TRL back in the day, BECAUSE I DID. Chris Kirkpatrick (yes, I know their names JEALOUS?) is rocking the dreadlocks/Adam Duritz look here. How dapper is he? And then he takes one shoe off and sings? This is so tight! JT has the bottle blonde NOTTHATI'MCOMPLAINING. I used to get really excited when that girl gives him the necklace back because I thought maybe he could somehow reach through the television and ask me out. Look, it was a low point. Also, Lance Bass with a girl! HELLO! Now, excuse me, but I need to get back to watching Master of Dance hosted by Joey Lawrence.

tight person of the day: professor longhair

Now here's a huge baller. Known as 'Fess or "the Bach of Rock," as Allen Toussaint puts it, Professor Longhair was a piano genius who put on display the soul of New Orleans. Born as Henry Byrd, Fess learned to play piano from his mother, who had no idea she was teaching one of the most influential musical ballers ever. The tightest thing about this guy is, you might have never heard of him. I certainly hadn't. But his influence is everywhere and I think in inner music circles he is somewhat revered. His music is a crazy mix of funk, mambo, reggae, rock 'n roll, and lawd knows that else. I also really can't emphasize enough how much I love his sunglasses in the above photo.

Check out these two Professor Longhair songs off his album Rock 'N' Roll Gumbo. Pretty good stuff and by pretty good stuff I mean amazing.

Professor Longhair - Tipitina

Professor Longhair - Mardi Gras in New Orleans


Also, here's a video of Fess performing so you can see him in action. Huge baller.

another tight person gone

R.I.P. George Carlin. He died at age 71.

I used a bunch of curse words today in his honor.

daily LOLdog hilarity

tight image of the day

Slick Rick, bay-bee!!!!!!!!!!!

daily something hilarity

Why the internet is different than the life

Thanks to my friend Ward who showed this to me.
I think people with English accents can make anything good.

tight image of the day

Halloween. 2004. I think 2004.
Sean as Strawberry Shortcake.
Craig's condo.
I'm going to get killed for this.

movies i would drop anything to watch #5: the last waltz

You all knew this was bound to happen. I have been obsessed with this rock movie from the very moment I saw it. I mean, it shouldn't be shocking as The Band is in my top five. For about two years, I forced everyone around me to watch this movie. Chaps got on board, but I remember popping it in many times during a previous relash and he kept folding laundry while it was on. That should've been a sign. ANYWAY, coming home from NYC recently this was on the Vh1 Classic channel and I screamed thank gawd for JetBlue. Now I can say I watched this movie IN THE SKY. This movie is amazing. Once I read Levon's book, I had a slightly different perspective on the whole thing, but still.

It's about THE BAND and their final concert, directed by Eyebrows Scorsese. Lots of guests came out to help them "take it home." Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, Eric Clapton, The Hawk, Neil Young, Dr. John, Muddy Waters, and of course Robert Zimmerman himself. However, sometimes I have to admit I skip through the Neil Diamond segment even though I have serious love for Neil Diamond. It doesn't feel entirely right to me. Once again, after reading Levon's book, that part made a bit more sense. The version of "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" is one of the best things captured on film. And all those badasses on stage singing "I Shall Be Released." Are we kidding with that?

All I really know is how thankful I am that this was filmed and made for audiences. This movie fills me with a calmness and happiness I truly can't describe. I love it to to bits and I love watching these amazing musicians who left it all on the stage. There should be way more footage of Richard Manuel, though. What a badass. P.S. Allen Toussaint arranged the horns for this concert, so guess what...THEY SOUND SUCKY. Just kidding. He's a baller.

Here my favorite songs from the movie, mp3 style, followed by a clip from the movie of the song so we can all join hands and take a sip from the fountain of excitement.

The Band - The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down (The Last Waltz)

The Band - It Makes No Difference (The Last Waltz)

The Band - I Shall Be Released (The Last Waltz)

daily LOLdog hilarity

Sidenote: I discovered I can make my own LOLcats/dogs on the LOLBuilder. So for a while, these will be original Anna made LOLs, like this one. I can't promise the funny, though. But you should all try it. It's a great time killer. Remember, I'm on a teacher summer y'allz.

johnny cash + the muppets = another muppet post by me

Holy crap, it's been almost a month since I posted about the Muppets. Where has my head been? Well, don't worry, I'm back on my game now. Here's Mr. Johnny Cash singing a duet with Miss Piggy, who is replacing June Carter for a quick minute. Why isn't this show still on the air? Everything about this is so beautiful. Plus, MUPPET ON A BANJO. There needs to be an autoharp-playing muppet CANIGETAWITNESS? Oh boy, double harmonica action from Johnny! Nothing better. This is like buttah. I would also do anything for Miss Piggy's fringe outfit and purple cowboy hat! YEEHAW. 

IS THIS SCREAM TIGHT?

MY MORNING JACKET LOLCAT

tight people of the day: kashmere stage band

One of the best kept secrets in Texas. This is a group of students from Kashmere High School in Houston, Texas who rocked funk and soul in their high school band. Yes, instead of occasionally busting out a slightly funky number at the football game for the old folks to slap their knees to, these kids went all out. They have a super tight album, even. They were led by the musical guru and ultimate baller Conrad O. Johnson, who believed in the power of being awesome. He led the kids to many championships but also was just super tight. Conrad just passed in February of this year, but he is getting down with some funky bidness up above, for reals.

This band has been sampled out the ass by DJs, all who deserve a medal of honor for making this work known. How baller are these dudes? I mean, seriously. And they are just teens. Amazing. I have a compilation of the Kashmere Stage Band (Texas Thunder Soul) that has songs from the kids ranging from 1968-1974, which obvi are the golden years anyway. Included in that cd is a documentary about Conrad and the kids, which is def worth a watch. Give them a listen and be impressed, y'allz.

THE BALLER CONRAD O. JOHNSON

Kashmere Stage Band - Boss City

Kashmere Stage Band - Take Five

dogs in wigs

I would party with this guy.

It's a hard knock life JAYZREMIXY'ALLZ

Used car salesman/Charles Nelson Reilly/pederast

Other blogs are on top of the most important and relevant news, but here it's really the simple things in life that get me through. I don't even need to be drunk to enjoy this.

tight image of the day

daily LOLdog hilarity

hold the phone

I have been saying for a while that I would love to see a crappy remake of Match Game brought to the small screen. It's by far my favorite game show. However, I always wanted the remake to actually look like the seventies with the sick orange carpet. Also, I wanted it to use the seventies censors. Well, there is a remake in the works but with some big losers. I'm sorry, but Sarah Silverman is pretty unfunny to me. And this is just another chance for her to use various terms for her "lady parts." BOR-ING. I like Niecy Nash simply based on Reno 911! so maybe she'll be ok. Hopefully, with Robert Smigel at the helm, we can get some good stuff. If not, I have scores of episodes saved on my Tivo to keep my Match Game hunger at bay.

TV Carnage Clips

YouTube offers a few choice TV Carnage clips that I must share.



I am obsessed with the slo mo of the "dirty cowboy" at the end:



And of course there's that girl from the Stairway to Stardom series. This girl should be famous. Sissy, you can't hide the fact that this girl is your idol:

The Breaks

The Breaks by Kurtis Blow is one of my current favorites. Apparently I have to be content to simply listen to the song because the only video I can find of The Breaks is beyond awkward. I was hoping to find the original video from 1980, but this ain't it. Kurtis has got to be in his fifties by now which is fine except that he still performs with his shirt unbuttoned, all in serious b-boy mode with mediocre hip hop dance moves. I don't know what else to say... he's borderline Flava Flav. But how tight would it be to see him perform at a shitty club in Munich?

the hawaii chair

Clayton gets a huge shout-out for informing me about this. The thing is, I spend a lot of time at the computer. I also spend a lot of time sitting and reading, or just sitting and drinking my beloved coffee. So, this seems like a great idea. The Hawaii Chair will work my abs even while I sit!!11! Tight. However, it just looks plain awful. I smell fifty lawsuits for the Hawaii Chair because people are going to fly out of these and break some leg bones. Straight up.

tight person of the day: sam cooke

HELLO! Does this need an explanation? I think not. Sam is it. His look, his sound, his syrup on my pancakes voice. Sam is perfect for those summer evenings right before the sun goes down. One of the very few artists that can literally bring me to tears. My freshman year at UT, I took a class called "History of Rock and Roll." Gawd only knows how I got into this class, as it was mostly intended for upper division kiddos. Anyway, it traced rock music way, way back and then we analyzed its development from around 1950. Sam Cooke was a big part of this "history" side of this class. My professor turned off the lights and made everyone close their eyes and played an old Sam Cooke gospel song called "Touch the Hem of His Garment" and just didn't say a word. That is one of my favorite college memories ever. I then played it nonstop off my shitty DELL and probably irritated my roommate beyond belief. But who cares. I was still learning. Here's some Sam to help you stretch out those summer nights even longer. A true gift to this world and I'm dead serious.

Sam Cooke - Cupid

Sam Cooke - Bring It On Home To Me