Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Why You Lookin' So Crazy

obama shows the skillz

Apparently, Barack be ballin'. Haters to the left.

Now where is the video of Hillz doing the pommel horse? LOL city.

Hillz, I still loves you.

Stagger Lee

As reported by the Globe-Democrat in St. Louis, Missouri year 1895:

William Lyons, 25, a levee hand, was shot in the abdomen yesterday evening at 10 o'clock in the saloon of Bill Curtis, at Eleventh and Morgan Streets, by Lee Sheldon, a carriage driver. Lyons and Sheldon were friends and were talking together. Both parties, it seems, had been drinking and were feeling in exuberant spirits. The discussion drifted to politics, and an argument was started, the conclusion of which was that Lyons snatched Sheldon's hat from his head. The latter indignantly demanded its return. Lyons refused, and Sheldon withdrew his revolver and shot Lyons in the abdomen. When his victim fell to the floor Sheldon took his hat from the hand of the wounded man and coolly walked away. He was subsequently arrested and locked up at the Chestnut Street Station. Lyons was taken to the Dispensary, where his wounds were pronounced serious. Lee Sheldon is also known as 'Stag' Lee.


Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds


The Isley Brothers


Wilbert Harrison


Bob Luman


Wilson Pickett

tight person of the day: David Crosby

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So David Crosby actually made one of my favorite albums of all time, as well as being in a little band called CSN, reborn as CSNY, and then hanging out with Graham Nash for some touring. I love this man. He's got a really good voice and a lack of brain cells to prove that he knows how to party. Also, he is kinda crazy and I like that. He sort of reminds me of that crazy homeless dude that would have the really good sign. In a good way. He's tight.

He started out in the Byrds, but then started to not show up to record. WTF? My thing is, if your one job is to rock out and play guitar and sing your ass off, why don't you show up for it? A ton of people would absolutely kill for that job. Well, don't worry, it's not like it really hurt him too much or anything. Then he was in CSN(Y) and they made some good shit. "Helplessly Hoping", anyone?

But the heavy hitter is 1971's If I Could Only Remember My Name. This is a wonderful album. I've said for years that my favorite song on this album, maybe of all time, is "Laughing." This is the best song ever for the porch. Imagine a nighttime with lots of starz, and some really good drinks, and maybe some Kettle Chips! Sometimes when I listen to this album I feel like someone is squeezing my brain dry. Kinda sick, but true. This is how we do it. Croz knew what was up.

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So then, on top of all this cool stuff, the Croz does something only a crazy slut like Croz can do. He donates his damn sperm to Melissa Etheridge and helps conceive her two kids. This is a WTF situation to the 9,000th power. I mean, I remember when this was headline news. No one could understand this. I still don't, but let's face it, it makes him even tighter. He's kind of a baller for doing that.

Here's the song I was talking about earlier. Sorry I don't have the file to download, but check out this fan video.


daily LOLcat hilarity

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how many ways can we do this?

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So, apparently Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher did the nasty while making Star Wars. DUH! Here's me shocked. But the headlines about this event are super tight.

Carrie: I Gave Ford Obi-Wan

Princess Leia Played With Han Solo's Light Saber

Ridic headlines like this make my world go round. I just hope there is some dude that wanted to win a Peabody or a Pulitzer or some junk and is now writing these for eternity. That's tight.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Adventures In Bad Design

Ignore Ricki Lake in the foreground, check out the logo in the background designed for the new Broadway adaptation of Cry Baby.

Really?
Someone was paid $50,000 for this job.

Christine Quaite - Mr. Stuck-Up

Bhundu Boys - Jit Jive

omg, poehler is preggo

that kid is going to be ridic.


something old i like #1: Gilligan's Island

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I got a Columbia House order going on VHS seasons of Gilligan's Island when I was younger. This is no joke. I love this show. It was only on the air for about three seasons, I believe. However, numerous spin-offs and reunion-style TV movies have followed. A tour boat gets stranded on an island and the rest is history. Also, the crew and sight-seers try to get off the island approximately 967 times, but they are never successful. (That's a rough estimate.)

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Perfectly coiffed, even on an island. Did they have the Chi back then?

I must say, I thought Ginger was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was a movie star off the island and a hottie. She always wore that same gold dress and I wanted it so badly. I remember begging my mom to help me find one that was similar for Homecoming in eighth grade. Which brings up why middle schools have Homecomings. The thing is, I could never find that dress though because at the time I shopped exclusively at Mervyn's California. Ginger was so tight.

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There's the dress. And my jealousy. See what I mean about the shorts?

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Just bein' me.

I also thought that Mary Ann could suck it! She was always making f-ing coconut cream pies and coconut shakes and coconut bread and coconut steak and g.d. it Mary Ann STOP WITH THE COCONUT ALREADY. Bottom line is this, coconut is only semi-ok on ice cream sundaes and some variations of really good Italian cream cake. It must taste terrible on anything else. Also homegirl needed to hike up her ridic short shorts. But I digress.

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Huge ballers.

The Howells were the epitome of perfection. The constant battle between Harvard and Yale was Mr. Thurston's Howell trademark and a source for much of my guffawing around age ten. I didn't even truly understand at the time that those were important schools, much less schools I would never attend, but no matter. It was still funny. Lovey Howell taught me a lot about beauty, aka always wear a hat in the sun, bitch at everyone around you to get what you want, and refuse to do certain things (like leave the island when it appears obvi you can get off - OH TOO LATE THE BOAT HAS A HOLE.) Basically, these two would never have made it on the island, but I treasure every second they bitched about it.

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Get those guys some Lone Star.

I loved the Skipper and Gilligan though. What a classic comedy duo. I remember when my dad told me that Gilligan's real first name was Willy (although now I realize I have no idea where he got this information) and I was stunned. Almost to the point of speechless. It was like that time I found out that Beck was a Scientologist. I'm pissed I even have to capitalize that. I loved when the Skipper would get PISSED at Gilligan about something and somehow Gilly always got out of it because of his bumbling charm and grace. If only we could all get through life like that. Willy Gilligan, I salute you.

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Teach me, teacher. Too much?

And the Professor. Maybe Lesley can clear this up, but I don't really remember where he taught or if that was ever mentioned. Perhaps he actually taught third grade science because was he actually a Phd? We might never know. But I do know that I had some naughty daydreams about that character. DON'T JUDGE ME. I'm a sucker for a dude baring his forearms. He was in love with Ginger and their unrequited love still haunts me. What I still fail to understand, even after all these years, is how the Professor couldn't get his damn act together and make some new recipes to share with Mary Ann. I mean, wasn't he smart and junk?

If anyone would like to be serious for a minute, I would love to get together a Gilligan's Island Halloween group. I know we keep saying we are going as Match Game characters, but who else knows that Sean Lopano needs to fly back from NY and be Gilligan?

A few years ago, my dad saw my passion and upgraded my VHS tapes to DVD. So now I have the first couple of seasons, including the questionable episode where a Japanese WWII solider suddenly appears on the island. Once again, I'll bring the Kettle Chips and come watch some fine television with me.

daily LOLcat hilarity

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Today's "Who Actually Cares?" News

The media is in an uproar about the latest "scandalous" Miley Cyrus photos shot by Annie Leibovitz. Particularly this one:


Honestly, I'm not offended at all by this picture. If Miley wants to make me have flashbacks of getting my scoliosis check in the nurse's office during 7th grade, that's cool. I'm more freaked out about this one:


What 15 year-old girl poses for a photo, draped across her father's thigh, clutching his hand while he looks off into the sun? Seems more disturbing to me than that bone highway, Feed the Children photo above. I would never have a photo taken with my dad in that position. In fact, my dad and I were asleep in 70% of the pictures my mom took of us. Napping it out with your dad when you're 6 is a little more my speed.


This post is brought to you by my dad's badass sweater vest.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

What In the World Is Going On With Winehouse?

What in the world is going on with Amy Winehouse? I know it might be stating the obvi, but she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West, post water bucket toss from Dorothy. It started out not so bad...



And now we have this...

The one below is my favorite ever. I'm pretty sure she's on the way to KFC in this pic (seriously). This is an illustrator's dream... She's like the cracked out housewife gone wrong.


It's all downhill from here.



The Thing is, she had, arguably, one of the best backing bands in show biz. The Dap-Kings will make you solid gold if you let them. But alas, it's not working out. Seriously, what else can you say?


I KNOW WHAT THIS BABY GIRL NEEDS. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT WE'RE ALL ROOTING FOR HER. TAKE IT FROM HERE, TY TY BABY:



P.S. The above clip deserves an Oscar. If you don't believe that, I'm not too sure if we have anything in common. For my birthday this year, I'd prefer it if all you chipped in and bought me a Tivo with this clip recorded on it 200 times.

Boozoo Bajou

Dope musical duo from Bavaria.

And you come upon a little river with a, with a little shotgun house, with a little pickup in the yard. Don't turn there.
boozoo bajou - keep going

Girl you driven me insane playin' all your panty games. Girl you got me feelin' blue wanting wanting wanting you.
boozoo bajou - treat me

boozoo bajou - lava

are you stressed?

If yes, click HERE.

Sissy Spacek gives me the creeps.





ET gives me the creeps.

should be illegal

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One time, Blake and I went to THE DOMAIN to check out all the new stores. I mainly remember two things. One was the employees at Louis Vuitton wearing BlueTooth technology ear pieces and eyeing us like a cat on tuna. The other is that wonderful angel woman at Neiman Marcus who let me try on a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. She knew there was no way I could afford them. I mean, they were at least $800. But she understood my desires. I get it, shoes are just shoes, blah blah. But still, Louboutins are amazing. I have a real issue about them. Mostly because I know I will probably never own a pair. I mean, the amount I could spend on one pair of these I could spend on a Tahitian vacation. Anyway, the above shoe is my dream shoe and it costs $1,020. I shit you not. I know it looks like a sea anemone died on there, but get with me on this. These are tight.

Cut Copy - Visions

Sony advertisement set to aforementioned song.

sun exposure

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I thought part of the point of going to Coachella (or any music fest, really) was to be outside and experience the sunshine combined with great music. Hello! What is the point of this? This takes way too long. At ACL, I was wearing a swimsuit with some cheap dress over it and I smelled like bacon and sunscreen. Also, I'm pretty sure I got a second-degree burn. Maybe I don't care enough, but you are going to sweat in the California desert, so why try too hard? Oh well, she's still pretty tight. I mean, it truly does take ballz to pull this off.

source

daily LOLcat hilarity

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infamous picture

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Here's the super tight Google street view shot of me and Blake putting up Christmas lights. Amanda is over there in the corner wrapping that tiny Charlie Brown tree. How nuts that this was taken? We went to Luby's shortly after this. I wish that was a joke.

St. Germain - Sure Thing



john lee hooker - harry's philosophy

st. germain - sure thing

Friday, April 25, 2008

La Bionda

Italian brothers Michelangelo and Carmelo La Bionda.





WTF With This Talking Cat



I need a verdict on this.

Controversy

THIS IS THE TIGHTEST PRINCE SONG OF ALL TIME. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE, THERE'S THE DOOR, SLUTS.



Is this tight? tip of the day: If you add &fmt=18 to the end of a you tube link, it will make the video a little more crisp. I recently discovered this trick and i use it EVERY TIME.

i got a benz i ain't even drove yet

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Tonight, Chaps and Griff and Lesley and I saw Baby Mama. It was pretty tight. Then we parted ways because Thunderstorm 2k8 was about to hit. On the way home in the pouring rain, Chaps and I got into a semi-serious discussion about the elusive Bad Boy rapper Mase. He worked with Puff Daddy back in the day. Mostly Mase is to be commended because he says that PhD stands for Playa Hate Degree. Also, he sounds like he was just awoken by his nature sounds alarm clock at 5 am every time he raps. By that I mean, he sounds extremely sleepy. Only the great thinkers alongside them Mase is. So I did a little Mase research.

1. Mase is now a minister with an honorary theology degree. Tight! He goes by Dr. Mason Betha. Even tighter!
2. When I was reading about him online, I remembered that he did a song with that Welcome Back, Kotter theme song sample. What a baller.
3. He had feuds with Fabolous AND Ghostface Killah. Is this playa hard at work or what?

The bottom line is this. We want some more Mase. I mean, Puffy Diddy Daddy is all serious now and doing shit like A Raisin in the Sun (which I definitely watched and cried a little watching). So we can't count on Sean Daddy Combs Puff to bring him back. Mase, come back. Or I'll just listen to "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down" and do a ton of fake driving while I cry.

Author's note: The dance Puff does in this is my favorite thing. Why did I never notice how FLAT everyone is singing/rapping?

redbone coonhound



Tight Video of the Day: I Got A Man

Positive K took an average argument you'd hear on 6th Street at 2 a.m. and turned it into a hit song. That's the reason it's the tight video of the day.



Favorite thing? The chick holding those 4 lb. weights while yelling "I GOT A MAN" in that dudes face. Also, they commit a top ten offense of the early 90's: Intense, ill fitting power suits.

eastern bloc gypsy party at a warehouse





tonight at 10 p.m. at RHIZOME KOLLECTIV 300 allen st.

tight person of the day: george harrison

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So, GH was in a little known band. DOY! Do I even need to say it? He's by far my favorite Beatle, and I really like the Beatles a great deal. I mean, if you don't, you are pretty much dead inside. Fun fact: George was 26 at the last Beatles recording sesh. 26! How is this possible? I'm really close to that age and all I've managed to do is eat tons of bags of Goldfish and figure out that things really CAN be sorted by Kevin Bacon.

The thing I like about George, though, is that there is much more about him that is really very interesting. I mean, I love George for a ton of reasons. Everyone knows "Here Comes the Sun" and will probably jam to it on some Visa commercial or some junk, but there are more things to love about Georgie.

1. Personality
He seems like one of the most gentle people ever. I just can't imagine being around him and not feeling calm. Kinda like Blake. HELLO! I read I Me Mine by George a few months ago and the forward by his wife almost made me end it all. He just seems like a really amazing person. He was known as being "quiet" but in all the Beatles movies he really gets my goat. I was very, very saddened when he passed. His Hindu beliefs were all-around pretty tight.

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2. All Things Must Pass
Um, has there ever been a better album? It's a f-ing triple album. I love this album in its entirety and leave it sitting out at the house a lot because I just like to look at it. I was so proud when I bought this album for the first time because I felt like I was saying thank you to George or something. This might be getting into creepy/corny territory but I don't really give a pig's pork loin because he is da man.

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3. Concert for Bangladesh
So this is one of my favorite movies ever. I mean, I'm serious. I love so many parts of this concert film, but no moment tops when he started singing "Here Comes the Sun" and the audience is getting pumped and he gets this happy smile on his face. Also, how can you beat Georgie and Bobby Dylan and Leon Russell on a stage together? I hope most people on this blog have seen this. If not, we are buying some Kettle Chips and watching this asap. (also Billy Preston, a former Tight Person of the Day, makes an appearance in this flick.)

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4. Traveling Wilburys
There are some other huge badasses in this group, as we all know. But how cool is this? Once, Gav sent me some sweet doc on these dudes and George said some funny stuff. All I have to say, my childhood summers consist of my dad blasting "Handle Me With Care" while I did jumps over and over in the pool. Nothing compares to this, so it's another reason I love him purely and dearly.

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I hope you get a chance to think about George today. He has earned his tightness.

daily LOLcat hilarity

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kittehs are def tight

okay, so i'm at work and have no sound. but muted this is amazing and i'm thinking it can only get better.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Yikes

I saw this on the Daily Show last night and couldn't believe it. What better way for the future leaders of our country to reach the average voter. Go on WWE and make an ass out of yourself! This is definitely cringe-worthy. DO YOU SMELL WHAT BARACK IS COOKIN?!!

Gang Starr - Mass Appeal

tight person of the day: allen toussaint

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I love this dude. Look at his tight sandals in that photo! He has written awesome records, produced awesome records, and even survived Hurricane Katrina. What a tight badass! 

Here's the scoop - I just love his voice. I am officially nominating Allen as the summer BBQ master this year. We will play him at every outdoor event. His album, Southern Nights, is one of the most complete albums start to finish I have ever heard. I feel like some of it was way ahead of its time/perfect for the time period. I listen to it on the way to work in the mornings and can't get enough. I'm including two songs so you can check it out for yourself.

daily LOLcat hilarity

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