Friday, July 17, 2009

the lazy chef

I want to start a new Food Network cooking show. It will be called "The Lazy Chef" and it will have a giant star...ME!* Here's the thing: sometimes cooking for one (don't pity me) is really hard. You always have a ton of left-overs that inevitably go bad and then you feel wasteful. On board with this vicious cycle yet? SO. What started me thinking about going lazy was a commercial I saw for aerosol pancakes. Seriously, pancake batter in a spray can! I mean, it really doesn't get any worse than that. How much would you judge your mom if she sprayed out your pancakes on Sunday morning? Dang. Well, get ready to judge, my future spawn!

The bigger problem here is that there is a world of lazy cooking on the internet. It is taking over! I guess people have too much to do between checking their Twitter, updating Twitter, checking Facebook, updating Facebook, uploading pictures to Twitter and Facebook, stalking people on Myspace, and getting Google Reader down to zero items. I mean, that's a lot and I didn't even include texting! Who has time to prepare gourmet meals? The internets will help us.

I love chocolate cake. Am I right, America? Well, here's a way to make a chocolate cake in the microwave in five minutes. Sound sick? Yeah, it is. Although, I would've killed to have this idea for my dorm room circa 2003.

Next up, omelettes! I spell it this way - the video has a different spelling. But I guess it's all the same at the end of the day. So the thing about omelettes is that they are super tasty. I love them. I would eat a sock omelette because I just love a marriage of eggs and cheese. The rest don't matter. However, flipping them to make them perfect is always a huge struggle for me. They end up looking like a huge puke mess and no one wants to eat that. I can't serve that to guests aka myself. So this guy shows us how to make an omelette in a Ziploc bag. I mean, I know that is a terrible idea and it does end up looking like a hot dog from far away, but I guess this is sort of tight. Sidenote: Can this be safe in any way? Honestly.

Finally, I don't want to be judged for this, but I usually make store-bought cookies. It's just usually easier for me. I'm going to be real with you, Pillsbury chocolate chip cookies taste better than anything I could mix up. And then I also don't spend twenty minutes hovered over the sink licking the bowl clean like a terrier. But this next cooking idea is taking it to the next level. It's especially relevant for all my Southern homies. BAKING COOKIES IN THE CAR. I realize that buying store bought cookies is already lazy, but it seems like baking them in the car is the next arena of laziness because you literally do not have to get an oven involved or even a real cookie sheet. Just lay them on the dashboard in your car on a paper towel, where you are probably getting in anyway to go to work. I just hope when they finish baking they don't smell like feet and Frappucinos, because that's pretty much what my auto smells like.

Someone please try one of these and report back to me. I would do it myself, but I think I might be slowing changing my mind on becoming The Lazy Chef. Mostly because all three of these examples make me want to straight-up vom.

* I really do like to cook meals, just run with this.


Mrs. Graham said...

Hey, Batter Blaster is a local product made here in Austin. You could comfort yourself knowing that you were buying locally and supporting the community.

anna said...

good point. i still can't bring myself to bake cookies in a car, though.

Mrs. Graham said...

I hear ya, That is pretty hillbilly.

Michelle Perez said...

the pancakes suck. i followed the directions, too. pancake jerky. still waiting for tortillas in a can. my mom would say, "estas loca."