Are They For Sear?!?

Ok, so this post is intended to inform the general viewing audience about a "medical" product on the market that is probably the biggest load of bull shit I've ever heard about. However, some side effects might include....sarcastic laughter, public outrage, depression about the state of the world, and a need to punch a kitten.

I was up late doing stuff for school last night, and this ridiculous infomercial caught my eye. So, of course, I immediately turned up the tv instead of finishing my work. Now please keep in mind I was watching CNN when this happened...

I present to you the Kinoki Detox Foot Pads! http://www.buykinoki.com/These stupid things claim to capture toxins eliminated by your body through your feet while you sleep. Apparently, before you go to sleep you slap a pair of these sluts on your feet and you wake up feeling better than Katie Couric's colon!



They also claim to boost your energy level, improve your health and wellness, and use all natural ingredients. Haha, I'm sorry, but something that makes a pad look like black-tar heroin doesn't use all natural ingredients! Wait...maybe that's it! You feel better in the morning because it's like a smoker's patch, except with heroin soaking into your bloodstream all night. Now that's an ANCIENT JAPANESE SECRET!

I mean seriously, how DUMB do they think we are? These pads look like the shittiest thing ever, and there's no way in hell they work. Plus, even if they did, who would want to wake up with tons of creepy black shit on your feet! Siiiiick. Anyway, I apologize if anyone here has purchased these or believes they might work, but you might want to reconsider our friendship.

I was unfortunate enough to see this crap on CCN, but while I was getting the video I read that apparently they show this ad all the time on the LOGO channel. Now most of you know this is the gay/lesbian network, but I've never watched a single thing on this network and probably never will. Haha, but what better people are there in the advertising world to appeal to than overly body-conscious gay dudes.

In conclusion, I'm going to extend an amazing offer to all of you. If someone seriously wants to see if these pieces of marketing shit work let me know and I will personally cough up the $19.95 needed for a month's supply. However, I will require a scientific presentation to the group using a three-fold cardboard science project board. Here we will as a group determine if these are worth my 2 a.m. viewing ever again!