hold the phone

I have been saying for a while that I would love to see a crappy remake of Match Game brought to the small screen. It's by far my favorite game show. However, I always wanted the remake to actually look like the seventies with the sick orange carpet. Also, I wanted it to use the seventies censors. Well, there is a remake in the works but with some big losers. I'm sorry, but Sarah Silverman is pretty unfunny to me. And this is just another chance for her to use various terms for her "lady parts." BOR-ING. I like Niecy Nash simply based on Reno 911! so maybe she'll be ok. Hopefully, with Robert Smigel at the helm, we can get some good stuff. If not, I have scores of episodes saved on my Tivo to keep my Match Game hunger at bay.

something old i like #5: the 1970s

Let it be known that I love the 70s. I know, I wasn't born yet. But I came along shortly thereafter. I have referenced this decade many times already in previous posts (read: Match Game). I really have a fondness for the mid to late 60s, too, but the years 1970-1979 are just way too tight to pass up. First of all, every 70s fashion needs to come back. I'm serious. Also we need discos again. Why did these stop? I don't need the excessive cocaine use to come back, but the discos are missed. I want Cher from 1972 back. I mean, I still love Cher, but you know. Here are some things that really need to make a comeback:

1. The Afro

You still see an Afro from time to time, but definitely not as often as you prob would've in 1974. I'm pissed that I can't grow one and I mean that truly. In fact, I say it quite often. I have always wanted to come back in another life as Erykah Badu because I'm jealous of her. The Afro is so amazing. Although I really hate fake Afro wigs for Halloween. I'm talking about the real deal here.

2. Bean Bag Chairs

I know when we were all around 12 or 13 we would've murdered for a bean bag. Well, I still would. I have one in my classroom and it's a huge hit. These days, I feel like bean bags are getting harder and harder to find. Granted, they kill my back and probably cause the early stages of scoliosis but I still want five multi-colored ones in my living room instead of a couch.

3. Lava Lamps

Um, hell yeah. Who doesn't love a good lava lamp? It sets the ambience for any room. Want to get dark and moody? Turn on the l. lamp. Want to turn on the sexy? Well, turn on the LAVA LAMP!! I have a purple one because I wanted one in my middle school colors at the time I purchased it (Scottie Pride forever). Again, another item that is getting harder to find but really enhances any room.

4. Mood Rings

Question: Why did Mood Rings fade out? The other day, a student in my class was wearing one and she knew what all the colors represented and I thought to myself: The children really are our future. Mood rings are so tight, even if they stay one blue shade all the time. One time I had one that really did turn black when I was really angry. Although I was around 14 at the time so I was probably mad because my hair went flat. Who cares if these things really work? The point is, they look baller. And instantly turn any guy into a perv.

5. Waterbeds

I know it's hard to see in that photo, but oh yeah baby, that's a waterbed. In fact, that is the beatuy of a waterbed. It looks like a regular bed, so you start feeling drowsy and climb on for a short snooze. SIKE! It's a rolly and tumbly waterbed and yet another reason to f up your back. My brother had a waterbed when he was in high school and I wonder what the effects are on his back these days. I just remember wanting one really bad, but I couldn't have one. Now I know why. Although they look so tight and swish around like the wave pool at Schlitterbahn, which makes me think of summer, and therefore is tight. Talk about the true stamp of a swinger.

I know you can still get a lot of this crap online, but I just want to complain about something. Long live the 70s!

BOOBS!

I can't believe I've had a blog for a month and haven't posted about Match Game. It's no secret that this is my favorite game show. I am obsessed with it. Thank the LAWD for Tivo because I record up to two episodes a day and then watch them all in a row because I don't really have a social life. Sike/maybe not. The thing that is super tight about this show is that the best episodes are from 1976-1978 when the television censors were intense and you couldn't really say any dirty words/name actual body parts. However, you were allowed to say "boobs" and let's just say the contestants and celebrities found any way to do this. If you aren't familiar with the premise of Match Game, shame on you. No, no, I'll explain. Basically you have a panel of six "hot" celebrities, aka some people I've never heard of or who are long since dead. Two contestants try to match the celebrity answers to a fill-in-the-blank statement or question such as "Dumb Dora was so dumb she thought the lampshade was for your ______." See how this can get dirty fast? It's amazing to watch some of the bumbling idiot contestants. There were three regular panelists and a few semi-regulars who I adore, too. But the host and the three regs are my focus today.

Gene Rayburn. The host and STAR. He is probably one of the best game show hosts ever. He spoke like a shit ton of languages and was super duper smart. He was witty and quick on his feet, and would probably know how to party in Vegas. He had a bit of a crazy skeleton face, but he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside like a sweet pappy. I love him.

Brett Somers. Total badass diva. She was the queen of this show, in my humble opinion. Nothing can compare to the awesomeness that is her pair of glasses. They enlarged her eyes 1,000%. Also, she wore a retainer for most of the episodes filmed during my favorite run of the show. A retainer! In the 70s! WTF is this show? Bret had a super raspy voice that sounded like she smoked thirty packs a day, and she was BFFs with Charles Nelson Reilly, which is pretty much my dream come true.

Richard Dawson. He later became the host of Family Feud, but for a while he got to be the gross perv of this show. He tried to kiss everyone and probably got pretty handsy backstage. I still eat it up though. He always had on the most badass dinner jacket and some kind of amazing gold ring. Usually on the pinkie. Usually stealing my heart. I have a feeling he also had an ego the size of Alaska, but he usually matched the contestants and so he was loved for that.

Charles Nelson Reilly. I have a special thing for CNR. He was so openly flamboyant in a time when acting that way was pretty taboo. Especially for a television star. He usually had on some sort of amazing ascot and some kind of tight toupee. No joke. He also had amazing glasses. He was mean to Brett all the time, in a loving way. I also like how he would draw on his answer card. He also did this awesome routine where he would come off his post and grab Gene Rayburn and say, "It's time for your bath now." I hope someone is laughing with me at this point.

One of the semi-regulars I really enjoy is Fannie Flagg. She was a fiesty red-head who was smart and sassy. One time, the statement to match was something like "That's the strangest place to film a pornographic movie. They are filming it in a _________." Well, the first answer that pops to my mind is church. However, Fannie Flagg said Tupperware Convention. See what I mean? Tight. She went on to be a really nifty Southern author. Fried Green Tomatoes, anyone?

Bottom line: This is a really good show that I make people watch. Sometimes people request it at my house and my heart soars with delight. I wish it would come back on the air, but with all the original 1970s clothing and double entendres. I love this show.