something old i like #4: animated rudolph

I love that old Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special from the 60s. The animation is out of this world, and the characters are intense. This was the very first DVD I ever owned, thanks to my dad. Literally. I got a DVD player and had no DVDs, and my dad came through. I love this show. Of course, it comes on every year at Christmas, and I'm obsessed with Christmas (can I get a witness, Casey?) but I still say, WHY WAIT. Sometimes I pull out the Rudolph DVD and (wait for it) play it on my computer. I'M A REBEL. But seriously, it's just that good.

Rudolph is born to one of Santa's current studs of the sky and has a bright red nose. RUH ROH. So he runs away because no one will let him join in any reindeer games. Also, Christmas is going pretty badly in the North Pole and Santa Claus is on the Nicole Richie diet. Rudy feels like maybe he won't be able to help St. Nick anyway. When he runs away, he meets Hermey, the elf who desires to be a dentist because he sucks at making toys. As a kid, I thought this guy was baller, but he has a pretty freaky mouth.

Rudy and Hermey band together and along the way, meet Yukon Cornelius, who is one of the biggest ballers ever created. This guy. When he throws his ice pick and then licks it, and says, "...Nothing." Well, that is just the epitome of greatness. Yukon is chasing the Abominable Snowman, who turns out to be kind of a softie in the end.

The crew tries to 23-skidoo to the Island of Misfit Toys, aka the Island of Everything I Wanted To Play With At Age 9. Rudy takes pity on the plethora of badass toys, mostly because he understands their plight of feeling different. I'm really spelling this out for you, huh? He swears he will get Santa to help them and deliver them to needy bastards.

Well, Rudy makes it back to the North Pole, but g.d. it Santa's sleigh is totally fogged in. Rudy starts to feel dejected and has just lifted the bottle of Johnnie Walker to his lips when lo and behold Santa notices Rudy's awesome nose and decides to give him a whirl. Rudy saves the day, the toys are delivered and are happy, and the Bumble ends up hanging out with Yukon and a paper towel full of Kettle Chips (the paper towel is folded into a funnel by Sissy Emmons). And it's a Merry Christmas for all!

The whole story is narrated by the tightest snowman who ever roamed, Sam, played by Burl Ives. Sam actually looks like Burl Ives, which is crazy/tight. I have put some pics for comparison. Also, who can rock a pocket watch like Sam the Snowman?

In the end, Rudy just wants to be loved, and so does Hermey and the Snowman and even Yukon, although methinks he is somewhat asexual. I love this show and I want you all to watch it with me next Christmas. I will make hot cocoa and we will fly to NYC to visit Chaps and cry together at the Rockefeller tree. This could go on and on and it's time for my bath. However, please watch this video compilash of some amazing Yukon footage.

something old i like #1: Gilligan's Island

I got a Columbia House order going on VHS seasons of Gilligan's Island when I was younger. This is no joke. I love this show. It was only on the air for about three seasons, I believe. However, numerous spin-offs and reunion-style TV movies have followed. A tour boat gets stranded on an island and the rest is history. Also, the crew and sight-seers try to get off the island approximately 967 times, but they are never successful. (That's a rough estimate.)

Perfectly coiffed, even on an island. Did they have the Chi back then?

I must say, I thought Ginger was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was a movie star off the island and a hottie. She always wore that same gold dress and I wanted it so badly. I remember begging my mom to help me find one that was similar for Homecoming in eighth grade. Which brings up why middle schools have Homecomings. The thing is, I could never find that dress though because at the time I shopped exclusively at Mervyn's California. Ginger was so tight.

There's the dress. And my jealousy. See what I mean about the shorts?

Just bein' me.

I also thought that Mary Ann could suck it! She was always making f-ing coconut cream pies and coconut shakes and coconut bread and coconut steak and g.d. it Mary Ann STOP WITH THE COCONUT ALREADY. Bottom line is this, coconut is only semi-ok on ice cream sundaes and some variations of really good Italian cream cake. It must taste terrible on anything else. Also homegirl needed to hike up her ridic short shorts. But I digress.

Huge ballers.

The Howells were the epitome of perfection. The constant battle between Harvard and Yale was Mr. Thurston's Howell trademark and a source for much of my guffawing around age ten. I didn't even truly understand at the time that those were important schools, much less schools I would never attend, but no matter. It was still funny. Lovey Howell taught me a lot about beauty, aka always wear a hat in the sun, bitch at everyone around you to get what you want, and refuse to do certain things (like leave the island when it appears obvi you can get off - OH TOO LATE THE BOAT HAS A HOLE.) Basically, these two would never have made it on the island, but I treasure every second they bitched about it.

Get those guys some Lone Star.

I loved the Skipper and Gilligan though. What a classic comedy duo. I remember when my dad told me that Gilligan's real first name was Willy (although now I realize I have no idea where he got this information) and I was stunned. Almost to the point of speechless. It was like that time I found out that Beck was a Scientologist. I'm pissed I even have to capitalize that. I loved when the Skipper would get PISSED at Gilligan about something and somehow Gilly always got out of it because of his bumbling charm and grace. If only we could all get through life like that. Willy Gilligan, I salute you.

Teach me, teacher. Too much?

And the Professor. Maybe Lesley can clear this up, but I don't really remember where he taught or if that was ever mentioned. Perhaps he actually taught third grade science because was he actually a Phd? We might never know. But I do know that I had some naughty daydreams about that character. DON'T JUDGE ME. I'm a sucker for a dude baring his forearms. He was in love with Ginger and their unrequited love still haunts me. What I still fail to understand, even after all these years, is how the Professor couldn't get his damn act together and make some new recipes to share with Mary Ann. I mean, wasn't he smart and junk?

If anyone would like to be serious for a minute, I would love to get together a Gilligan's Island Halloween group. I know we keep saying we are going as Match Game characters, but who else knows that Sean Lopano needs to fly back from NY and be Gilligan?

A few years ago, my dad saw my passion and upgraded my VHS tapes to DVD. So now I have the first couple of seasons, including the questionable episode where a Japanese WWII solider suddenly appears on the island. Once again, I'll bring the Kettle Chips and come watch some fine television with me.